Friday, July 24, 2009


When I was an atheist I thought I knew it all. I thought I was wise because I followed man's wisdom. I read the writings of Richard Dawkins and thought I was smart. Now I follow my heart and realize I am human and I have many faults. My mind and brain are not perfect and there are many things I do not know. I do not know how God created the Universe. I do not know why he did not make human beings perfect but I do know he has a perfect plan.

1 Corinthians 2

1When I came to you, brothers, I did not come with eloquence or superior wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God.[a] 2For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. 3I came to you in weakness and fear, and with much trembling. 4My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power, 5so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power.

Wisdom From the Spirit 6We do, however, speak a message of wisdom among the mature, but not the wisdom of this age or of the rulers of this age, who are coming to nothing. 7No, we speak of God's secret wisdom, a wisdom that has been hidden and that God destined for our glory before time began. 8None of the rulers of this age understood it, for if they had, they would not have crucified the Lord of glory. 9However, as it is written: "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him"[b]— 10but God has revealed it to us by his Spirit.

The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God. 11For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the man's spirit within him? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. 12We have not received the spirit of the world but the Spirit who is from God, that we may understand what God has freely given us. 13This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, expressing spiritual truths in spiritual words.[c] 14The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned. 15The spiritual man makes judgments about all things, but he himself is not subject to any man's judgment: 16"For who has known the mind of the Lord that he may instruct him?"[d] But we have the mind of Christ.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Running Away

I'm suffering. But it's not God's fault. It's mine. You see, I have Bipolar Disorder and I am not getting better. I go through periods when I'm happy and motivated and then...stress. Stress is a normal part of everyone's life but for a person with BP, stress can trigger a full blown episode. I can't stop crying and I want to pray but I'm so tired and so sad that all I feel like doing is sleeping. And dying. I wish someone would pray for me because I can't keep going on this roller coaster I call life.

I know if I just turn my life over to God I'd be so much better off. So, why don't I do just that?